In My Hands

I take a swing.. from left to right spinning in movement of a sphere. A glass slides from across the bar. "Drink up" comfort calls.. and hugs me. And the beat goes on pausing my whatever thought that numbs me all over. The sense of freedom generated a kind of energy that turns me up alive again on the dance floor. Feeling the high from head to toe obeying the vibration. Vibration that draws everyone closer like a cult of culture. Social sanctuaries as these places are known to me. My soul rests but my chasis could just surrender to such unrequitted ease. Slither… on velvet couches then pass out at the spot.

I used to listen to a person who wanted me to become his version of a good lover. What that meant was that he prefered me staying home a little more than usual. No I’m not an excellent dancer nor will he ever be. He had me changing my wardrobe. Hence I did pretty well mirroring the aftermath of his experimental transformation. When I looked back, besides those physical changes he requested, there was more. In conclusion eventually, it can be said that I was taken for granted because of how I’ve become.

Recently I’ve discovered that he has the slightest idea that he thinks of gamers as.. the goody ones. Today my friends were getting rather creative wanting to set me up with different groups of people. Those names that they suggested had me reminded of anime frenzied fans as well as Warcraft addicts. Major turn off. Honestly now, where did all the real men go. Old boys I see everywhere going for girls who can be way younger, plastic posers and basically their choice of a better half would be for those girls to mirror back their immature identity. One undeniable fact that they have in common is that they are astoundingly stubborn creatures. Some are the least social. And when they are, often they can be insecure. Therefore pride is harboured as use of concealment. I’ve been there so I do actually know. Passed that phaze. Too exposed for fantasy games. Time has made me into a people person.

Time has also aided me to acquire a certain sort of taste. Speaking from past experience, I ought to set my standards a notch advanced. I have taste for exquisite character. Classic attitude. No nonsense please. Clarity plays a big part here. Maturity + Intelligence to me are subtly intense attraction Virtue is indeed vintage. Hey hey it’s in fashion now peeps LOL.

Scorpios are potentially insulting. No offence intended by the way. Straight foward, personal yet an open person. That’s me all right.

I miss simplicity. Often am I fatigued from intense mind chasing games.. And so my body aches, keeping me still and comfortably speechless. Seemingly boring why of course for the predictable. Integrity the underlying essense of simplicity is lacked in so many. Where is that.. grace. Simplicity by combination of balance, sophistication and wit. My disinterest lies in confusion.. and a whole lot of complication. So sick that I’ve had enough~

Just 1 photo. I’ve reached the limit for photo posting of the month for the blog. Deranged Samantha. P/S: I wasn’t aware of how I looked until I saw this picture.

More pictures at http://myunveilingshroud.blogspot.com soon

Guest list: Nigel, Ivor, Vichit, Eldon, Hong, Jo, Yours truly

We had.. jamaican rum, shandy, soda, fried chicken, tea, noodles, snacks and the cake! Spent our evening at the tea house at Taman Sahabat and crashed the rest of the night at Val’s. Deuce Bigalow was showing. Valerie Kho Ik Lee turns 19 this year. We all made a video. Thanks to Nigel Thanks to Hong for the pictures too.

You’d dab my tears once you’ve made me cry. Help me blow my nose. Green Tea Cake. Copacabana. Sneak me off with you at a nearest hideout. You fashionably late. Dancing silly. Endearingly romantic. Kissing me with your mouth left open breathing through your mouth. Tremble at the movies making me laugh. That smile. Boy you screwed me up big time… Don’t come back. Ever.

It’s still left unfinished. Started writing since age 13, stopped when I turned. A saga called Wait For Me. I’m going to attempt finishing the story starting from today. Forbidden love, mystics and all that you can think of from a world not so familiar like our own.

Those things I wrote were my thoughts rawly drafted by purity that I believed everyone had in their hearts. My soul herself I spared from taints. From far fetched ideas of surrealism created characters not of our time today but of retrospective centuries. They’re closest to ideal in such a manner that traits they possess are of days where chilvary strongly existed. Well I took a break from composing. A  heartbreak shunned inspiration love had to offer me. The madness dragged on for about 2 years alone. Ever since, I concluded that there isn’t such thing as what I called love back then. I screwed up quite a bit cos I wasn’t confident with myself and what more to say.. was anyone ever ready to give me security which I terribly needed. 

I couldn’t move on for quite a while. Then this stranger who’s a year my junior came into my life wanting a chance. Stupidly I dwelled in my past, convincing myself psychotically that I am to expect of the worst to happen and that I’d love no one as much as how I did before. It took me around 3 months to accept him. But then we had a childish argument and I said many things out of pride which did hurt him. After a while, I noticed how much damage I have caused him. And worst of all, it hit me ten fold of what have I done. Actually I’d still say that he was, at the time that I still knew him.. he was everything that I could want. Somehow whatever effort or anything good that he said, I blocked it out. My pessimism, crushing negativity brought me down. I apologised after days.. months.. after realising that I couldn’t live without the constant difference he has made since we met. I asked,"Will we be together again?" His only reply since 2002 was "one day." 3 years I spent on finding out what he was trying to tell me, explanations to his actions.. all that and I finally understood. Then again, time changed me.. him. He turned popular and kept his lovelife so very discreet. I called him Ana. His real name originates from a Greek meaning which matches him just right. He’s a fan of Ann Rice. Ana liked vampires way more than me. I was more of a Buffy person lol.

He’s moved on. I too have. Lately I’ve learnt how it feels to be like in his shoes. Anyway since then for me, I take precedence(had a typo earlier) that waiting isn’t of much use although patience is important. 3 years of trying to understand what he’s been trying to say and do isn’t a joke. That was for the expense of the biggest mistake that I’ve made. I admit that I am a slow learner. At the current, where the hell am I to get inspiration to write again. ArGh.

Anyway, I wish to keep the storyline that I created ages ago. The story speaks of people. A few people who couldn’t be together at first. Later on as they appeared in a different life, reincarnated they meet again. This cycle repeated until they united. An alternative scene, a different setting at other times. Perhaps.. a contrary era? lol. It’d be amazing if real people would build up such courage to fight for what they want. Most take excuses, afraid to take risks to make an effort to work things out to see if what they have is what they’re looking for.

Don’t know when will I complete Wait For Me the Saga =(

She makes Perth look so happening. Think it’s just her who is actually http://fallenkwen.blogspot.com Karen Perpetua Chen.

Take a look for yourself. I see.. resemblance of Princess Diana’s style there. See that kid? She’s some sad lost child found. Well, that’s me anyway years ago at a zoo in Singapore. Click on it for full size viewing.

One was in a tux(I love the tux appeal) and the other.. in another don’t know what it’s called. Didn’t like what the other one.  It wasn’t like I had to choose or anything. Found ‘em at the Men’s Shop which didn’t sell men at all. I’m not talking bout gigolos. Check this out cos they’re… HEADLESS. Jealously musn’t be an issue here.

I’ve been down with a flu. Thanks to my human cat. All the fur stuck up my nose. Chipmunk pic. It’s not everyday that the camera sees me that way =P

Went crazae over cheap thrills with since-school-days friend Hong and hard core blogger Robin. Robin said don’t ask the engineer for ideas. So fine. I directed Hong wanted us to buy ice cream and cones then go take pics with ‘em at Taman Sahabat. Fattening. Didn’t wanna spend on ice-cream from Ngiew Kee Saberkas man.

Hong  @  obsessive fruit lover + prolly a crack fan.Pic 1(Smooth criminal) & Pic 2(Hallucinated)

Robin @  First attempt cross dressing, characterized as nurturing but he wouldn’t let the kid enjoy his ice-cream alone. Watch and learn

Noodles, a lil something that looks similar to what’s inside of my skull. They’re selling it for Rm1.49 per packet lol. Plus I saw this banner saying ‘China Broccoli’ only RM6++ Big Bang…" Guess not only China dolls are big bangs too. Wanted to take a pic of that then an annoying lady came and said no taking pictures. Fine, policies exist.. everywhere. Pfft. Couldn’t stop laughing while this pic was taken. Didn’t look good though. I enjoyed the thrill of building up guts on my own expense to satisfy my interests in life. Had to do these stupid things cos I liked it. So very much.

Here’s one of my favorite foods. The good ones can be found at Hong Kong noodle house at Saberkas. Supposedly, only saberkas. Guess what this is

I know I’m too bias about this oily dish. Again, it’s the chilly sauce that makes it better. I dig anything spicy that burns my tongue cos only then I’d ask for more. LOL.

Jo was working on a Saturday from 10-5:30pm. This is Jo who needs no introduction actually.

Hong requested for Val to come for lunch. She opted to go home after her activities at college. Valerie Kho =)

Been having this thing for political/historical movies. Hunting for ‘em. It’s hard to find those black and white old movies.

Robin, thank you for taking the Saberkas pics. Again! Till next time.. HaHA.