In My Hands

It’s still left unfinished. Started writing since age 13, stopped when I turned. A saga called Wait For Me. I’m going to attempt finishing the story starting from today. Forbidden love, mystics and all that you can think of from a world not so familiar like our own.

Those things I wrote were my thoughts rawly drafted by purity that I believed everyone had in their hearts. My soul herself I spared from taints. From far fetched ideas of surrealism created characters not of our time today but of retrospective centuries. They’re closest to ideal in such a manner that traits they possess are of days where chilvary strongly existed. Well I took a break from composing. A  heartbreak shunned inspiration love had to offer me. The madness dragged on for about 2 years alone. Ever since, I concluded that there isn’t such thing as what I called love back then. I screwed up quite a bit cos I wasn’t confident with myself and what more to say.. was anyone ever ready to give me security which I terribly needed. 

I couldn’t move on for quite a while. Then this stranger who’s a year my junior came into my life wanting a chance. Stupidly I dwelled in my past, convincing myself psychotically that I am to expect of the worst to happen and that I’d love no one as much as how I did before. It took me around 3 months to accept him. But then we had a childish argument and I said many things out of pride which did hurt him. After a while, I noticed how much damage I have caused him. And worst of all, it hit me ten fold of what have I done. Actually I’d still say that he was, at the time that I still knew him.. he was everything that I could want. Somehow whatever effort or anything good that he said, I blocked it out. My pessimism, crushing negativity brought me down. I apologised after days.. months.. after realising that I couldn’t live without the constant difference he has made since we met. I asked,"Will we be together again?" His only reply since 2002 was "one day." 3 years I spent on finding out what he was trying to tell me, explanations to his actions.. all that and I finally understood. Then again, time changed me.. him. He turned popular and kept his lovelife so very discreet. I called him Ana. His real name originates from a Greek meaning which matches him just right. He’s a fan of Ann Rice. Ana liked vampires way more than me. I was more of a Buffy person lol.

He’s moved on. I too have. Lately I’ve learnt how it feels to be like in his shoes. Anyway since then for me, I take precedence(had a typo earlier) that waiting isn’t of much use although patience is important. 3 years of trying to understand what he’s been trying to say and do isn’t a joke. That was for the expense of the biggest mistake that I’ve made. I admit that I am a slow learner. At the current, where the hell am I to get inspiration to write again. ArGh.

Anyway, I wish to keep the storyline that I created ages ago. The story speaks of people. A few people who couldn’t be together at first. Later on as they appeared in a different life, reincarnated they meet again. This cycle repeated until they united. An alternative scene, a different setting at other times. Perhaps.. a contrary era? lol. It’d be amazing if real people would build up such courage to fight for what they want. Most take excuses, afraid to take risks to make an effort to work things out to see if what they have is what they’re looking for.

Don’t know when will I complete Wait For Me the Saga =(

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 12th, 2006 at 4:31 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.