In My Hands

One was in a tux(I love the tux appeal) and the other.. in another don’t know what it’s called. Didn’t like what the other one.  It wasn’t like I had to choose or anything. Found ‘em at the Men’s Shop which didn’t sell men at all. I’m not talking bout gigolos. Check this out cos they’re… HEADLESS. Jealously musn’t be an issue here.

I’ve been down with a flu. Thanks to my human cat. All the fur stuck up my nose. Chipmunk pic. It’s not everyday that the camera sees me that way =P

Went crazae over cheap thrills with since-school-days friend Hong and hard core blogger Robin. Robin said don’t ask the engineer for ideas. So fine. I directed Hong wanted us to buy ice cream and cones then go take pics with ‘em at Taman Sahabat. Fattening. Didn’t wanna spend on ice-cream from Ngiew Kee Saberkas man.

Hong  @  obsessive fruit lover + prolly a crack fan.Pic 1(Smooth criminal) & Pic 2(Hallucinated)

Robin @  First attempt cross dressing, characterized as nurturing but he wouldn’t let the kid enjoy his ice-cream alone. Watch and learn

Noodles, a lil something that looks similar to what’s inside of my skull. They’re selling it for Rm1.49 per packet lol. Plus I saw this banner saying ‘China Broccoli’ only RM6++ Big Bang…" Guess not only China dolls are big bangs too. Wanted to take a pic of that then an annoying lady came and said no taking pictures. Fine, policies exist.. everywhere. Pfft. Couldn’t stop laughing while this pic was taken. Didn’t look good though. I enjoyed the thrill of building up guts on my own expense to satisfy my interests in life. Had to do these stupid things cos I liked it. So very much.

Here’s one of my favorite foods. The good ones can be found at Hong Kong noodle house at Saberkas. Supposedly, only saberkas. Guess what this is

I know I’m too bias about this oily dish. Again, it’s the chilly sauce that makes it better. I dig anything spicy that burns my tongue cos only then I’d ask for more. LOL.

Jo was working on a Saturday from 10-5:30pm. This is Jo who needs no introduction actually.

Hong requested for Val to come for lunch. She opted to go home after her activities at college. Valerie Kho =)

Been having this thing for political/historical movies. Hunting for ‘em. It’s hard to find those black and white old movies.

Robin, thank you for taking the Saberkas pics. Again! Till next time.. HaHA.

Requirements

1. The person must already know my birthdate.

2. Strictly male, heterosexual please.

3. Height 5′10 and above.

4. Skinny lanky sort. Max 70 kg or slightly more.

5. Has got my skin tone.

6. Has got a frickin Jacky Chan nose.

7. Braces on the lower jaw.

8. Mumbles when he talks.

9. Sulks most of the time. Smile whenever he’s with me.

10. Must speaker Engrish.

11. Don’t talk about facts so much. Brag as if you have a life though you might not really have one.

12. Be yourself even if you think you suck. I like.

13. I is no Ah Lien. So you better be no Ah Beng. Comprende?

14. Age 20-25.

15. Person must admire the existence of law instead of mocknig it.

16. Good sense of humour. As in others gotta think you’re funny too. Not just yourself.

17. If you think I’m boring ar.. forget it.

18. Tell me nice true things about me. I see through people. Beware.

19. If you don’t know something, don’t act like you do.

20. Send in your applications like a resume. Except that I want specific details about whom you’ve dated before. Yes I care. The whole idea is to look better than just good beside you. If you can’t fulfil these requirements, just.. have a nice day. Bye.

It’s 28 degrees but I’m freezing. I feel weight on my chest and it’s hurting. My eyes are watering. Nose blocked. I have a need to crawl into bed and wish that I won’t wake.

Do you realise after talking about something that you’ve always known, the effect takes place and you actually feel because your understanding grows deeper? That happened today. I used to date or get with someone just to piss persons in particular at the material time that I aimed at. Rebound is the word. I recognised how empty I was this afternoon. Questions arose in my head such as.. "Sam, when was the last time you liked someone for them without having obliged to stick with ‘em because of guilt before it blossoms into a real functional relationship?" I couldn’t really think of anything to shoot back. It’s like an addiction that I must quit. It’s no surprise why haven’t I been happy. Rebounds don’t usually transform into a coincidental relationship that works out in the latter. I thought.. I’m definitely going to do what I do as always but later on I cried. The fore thought of wanting to hurt someone whom I care about hurts me worse knowing that I am initiating the cause. What I do to others, I do unto myself. My predictable lines.. "I want a birthday date. Unlike any other year. It will be different this time. Christmas. The New Year. Even better, pick out a new bf." I couldn’t. Not this year, not anytime soon. I love.. _______ =) I’ve tried being shallow. The attitude cannot match me. Though I know that life would be intolerantly bearable to live with for my surroundings if I possessed such trait. My life’s an open book. If there’s anything to hide, those are of unmade decisions revealed prematurely and steps that I’ve taken that’s got good reasons. Reasons not many are able to relate when it comes to imagining what they would’ve done. The truth does set you free. I can say that now

What’s the use of pretending to be somebody I’m not? It only complicates a lot of things. Haa speaking of which! Again, I was on the phone later in the evening. I managed to state down in point form what is it that I dislike about most guys in Kuching. LOL. Umm.. pretty common issues. The big turn offs. Nothing personal. Something according to my sole opinion.

• Etiquette

‘Ah Bengs’ are either usually too noisy or too quiet. Quiet? Quiet as in how the Jay Chou wannabes try their hardest to keep cool.

The dining rules. Thou shalt not slurp. This isn’t Japan. Plus, remember how some throw out prawn skins and chicken bones onto the very surface of the table while enjoying their meals? ARGH.

Last but not least, language. Use the foulies when necessary. Who doesn’t know such vobabluary? Nope, not cool.

• Overdone softies

Those.. toys in the car. Dammit. Why are they there. Can someone tell me what’s going on. This only applies to my dates. Trust me I’ve tried to cross over to the land of ‘Ah Liens’ but I was a fiasco at it.

• The lack of ability to draw the line between maintaining a sense of old fashioned goodness and room for civilization (wide coverage topic)

Old fashioned goodness: Rooting back to the time where people appreciated simplicity and respect.

Room for civilization: Don’t overdo ‘friends with benefits’. If some guys think that they don’t agree with the idea of girls who share this idea, be less of a chauvenist if possible and treat both genders equally. Ethics does have a role here. A touch of virtue shall add that greed and lust shouldn’t be at all endorsed. We need a balance.

Me mentioning the whole list would be pointless *grins*

The average cut off point for the IQ of retards in Texas is 70. Starworld airs the season finale of Boston Legal this week. 3/4 of America’s death penalty according to the show is executed in Texas. Ouch…

Watched the Devil Wears Prada last night with Jo. Before that I had games of scrabble with Gerald and Nick. Nick got us KFC for dinner His wife’s in KL. Putting plans on hold for work, like the old fashioned long distance relationship thing but married. He’s always smiling lol. Both of ‘em are lawyers. Maybe that’s how they work out. Sweet, mature person I’d say. Gerald’s funny in a very original way. LOL. He took us to Amoebar for some cocktail drinks after our movie. Nice stuffs. Midori with pineapple juice.

Emeric’s leaving for KL on Friday to take his CLP *sighs* I’ve got a lot more time till I finish.

Jo and I mopped the floor at Mojo yesterday. She says she likes mopping floors but hates sweeping. Since Jo’s changing course by Feb 2007, all the more I think about how our lives are going to change. She’s definitely gonna have some happening lifestyle when she starts literally working. As for me, I’d be indoors most of the time. Antagonized by the rigidness of life and being busy. I’m a person who needs a lot of space and it can mean isolation for a while. Sometimes it’s as if I’m not as friendly as I usually am. The point is, I’m trying my best to appreciate time that friends have to share with me. How it feels like to be included whenever there’s fun going on. Before time changes.. people. Prolly by the time I finish my studies, everyone would be settled and fixed to their obligatory routines.

I’m hardly 20, tired of loving a pussy who can’t ever be there for me. He blames me, I excuse him with the best of reasons that creative me manages to come up with. Sure I grasp onto my promises. But I’m actually suffering becos of it. It’d be unfair to revamp myself for someone who’s in serious need of attuning himself to acting his age. 20, just in a couple of days I should be enjoying my last year of being an ‘old’ adolescent. Actually I’d have the immunity to make the least childish mistakes right now. Instead, for a moment there I wonder if I’ve had the chance to act my age in front of ‘him’. I love him but I’m no longer in love with him. It’s about time I forfeited game. Just a figure of speech when I used the word ‘game’ there. I am a serious person. Always been. I’m slowly getting past the thought of no regrets by moving on. I can’t seem to find what is it that I’d lose. Guess it’s when you’ve given and given until there’s no more, really now what’s there to lose =)

I missed bible study with Elle, David and Mervynn last night. Guilt stricken. Not a good feeling. Missed church as well last Saturday.

I’m grateful for my friends and I am thankful for their time. Time is irreversible. It’s easier to be appreciative than to dwell on my darkest of days. Being appreciative allows me to sleep at night at normal hours. Believe it or not I’m no more an insomniac. There’s nothing stopping me from having a good night’s rest that way. No more lame excuses like.. I miss my bastard I can’t sleep. I heard of a rumour that he was heartbroken last year over a girl who eventually left him for another guy. Ever since he didn’t take anyone seriously after that. My thoughts were.. Am I a victim. Was it a mistake to treat him seriously? I find that only a blamer would use such excuse and hurt others becos he has been hurt in the past. Everyone’s got their history of pains. I hope that he isn’t what I heard of him as. Then again, does he still matter to you Sam. And my honest answer is.. I don’t know. I’d be natural if I said no.

Here’s lyrics to Ghost by Howie Day:

Lately I’ve been thinking
Lately I’ve been dreaming with you
I’m so resistant to this type of thinking
Oh, now it’s shining through
I was alone for the last time
Before my night’s vacation with you
Alive from the first
Now I’m denied by the ghost of you

You take yourself a photograph and laugh at me
Please

I know there’s little use in crying
It’s more wide awake and dying then I’m used to
I thought we’d walk these streets together
Now I’m hoping that I’ll never have to meet you
Step aside from all this anger
And somewhere in between I can feel you
Ask me should we try again
I’m thinking no
Y’know, it’s not what I believe in
It’s not what I believe in

You take yourself a photograph and laugh at me
Please
You make yourself a photograph and laugh at me
Please

No I, wanna taste you, love
No I…no I
No I, just wanna taste you, love

Standing in your shoes
I turn and now
You’re standing bare in my doorway
I only wish that I had been prepared
I’m gonna have to go along with your way
Just take the plastic camera out
It’s the pants you borrowed in the driveway
Alive from the first
Now I’m denied by the ghost of you

Make yourself a photograph and laugh at me
Please
You make yourself a photograph and laugh at me
Please

No I, wanna taste of love
No I…

I was alive from the first
Now I’m denied by the ghost of you

Thanks Emers, for the song. I’d be great if I sang this to Stan. Maybe I’d sing this at Mojo one day. LOL.

29’s a special number. 29th April. 29th June. House no 29. May 29th. 1st Nov. 1st Aug. Should I leave it all behind…

Attended a ritual of a brotherhood sort yesterday. Details  not be disclosed. Anyway, finally I have pics with Kiang! He makes me look obese. There’s a smile which I overdone. Scary. Timmy took the pics Again. Thanks.

Kiang’s headed to KL by today and will be gone to UK this Thurdsay. Seen him twice in 2 days and 3 times before. Dilligent Hakka dude, engineer to be. Met who’s Big Tim and Mark last nighta long with 2 gals. One’s calls herself ‘Scissors’ and the other one’s Andy’s gal whose name’s Deborah. I admit that I’m a boring person. Even Timmy thinks so. They play squash. I don’t. I sit down with Jo. That’s our ’sisterhood’ activity. Sounds good! =P Emeric’s just the right person to sit next to you inside a photobooth actually. Taking his CLP.Wow. I’m taking the Australian programme to avoid taking that. Gotta get myself some hot tea *sighs*

Cheers to our futures.

Emeric and Timothy picked me up and we met up with Andy and Kiang at Tapangas. We played chess =P Again. Timothy reminds me of Jon Alcos just a little bit. Show you guys LOL

Told ya so.

That’s a game with Emeric.

Andy and Emeric.

Had fun They’re fans of what you call ‘em burgers again across Waterfront? It’s supposedly better than Burger King’s.

A friend’s mum told Joanne that I look frustrated with my studies. Question is, do I really like what I’m doing? My loyalty towards what I’ve chosen stays. Other than that I can’t think of anything else of what could’ve been if I weren’t commited to this choice I made.

For sure I’m going to miss out on a lot of events while finishing what I’ve started. Ambition is what it’s about. Me having to be away for at least almost 3 years from home. By then Ashly would be 15. I wouldn’t have many chances to become friends’ bridesmaids. I.. wouldn’t be around to keep a watchful eye to neutralize clashes of human chemistry in the house. 25, when I’m over and done with. Almost everyone would’ve settled down maybe still in Kuching or half way across the world where I’d get to receive.. photographs, letters and phone calls. It’d also be an honour to be a godmum to several different children, a person who couldn’t be there for ‘em to welcome them on their first day into the world. And I’d definitely have trouble finding potential areas to invest in land, assuming that it’d be taken already. Probably everyone might’ve changed after all those years. New personality, new obligations, new lifestyle, new family and what’s mine to keeps will be fairly good memories of ample time we all had to spend together.

I’ll be working my ass off to buy the car of my dreams to make sure that I get it by age 29. Actually I am frustrated. It may sound that I know where I’m going but I’m just.. arrested by plans far ahead of me only because I can ascertain what want that I can have.

My days of living as a human is numbered. Turning into a robot. Technical robo-bitch lawyer soon. No life man.

Jo took me with her to an office and asked met go for an on the spot job interview as a promoter for Digi. I didn’t know what was the place called and what did it specialise in. Plus I could’ve have made my research on any information which has to do with Digi. After the guy took a look at the form I filled in, he spoke the hell lot of crap to me. His expectations wasn’t realistic. He said,"Speak to the customers as how you would convince a judge." That’s such a joke. He even had to ask what my dad is doing and made a remark of the area of my residence. Seriously now, why was I judged for that? He gave me a list of terms to memorise so that I’d use them while explaining to customers. He asked me to check it out and come back within 2 weeks. By then he’d query me.

Jo was talking to me earlier today about.. Love. Love is a state of mind. It’s all in the head she says. Which is.. absolutely true. There isn’t any fairytale. I was once told that it’s dopamine in the brain that triggers the ‘love at first sight’ tinggling feeling. Just chemicals at play. The fairytale version effect is merely for entertainment’s sakes for dreamers who hasn’t crashed and burned to finally wake up and realise love isn’t at all like how it’s advertised. Take it from Guru Soo. LOOOOL.

I guess one of the reasons why people are attracted to dreamers is because dreamers believe. They strongly hold on to their beliefs of goodness that’s not really as extinct as how and what others perceive of it. And to believe means to propheseise that in one’s self, to churn those beliefs into reality visible to the eye. So, these people are capable of making their beliefs happen. Therefore others want that too. The power of faith is so strong and I guess that’s probably how great things happen. Which is by just believing. Believing hard I mean.

Well well. I don’t know how and what to think now. I’m sad to have to accept that love is.. a mere state of mind. My fantasies are out the window. The grass is always greener on the other side but there is still one person whom I still want despite his flaws =) He taught me what dopamine is.

Here’s how I spent my jolly good friday Under Georgette’s invitation, Robin, Hong, Jo and I had the chance to meet Francessca Beard. A few pictures to make you envy are right below.

Cindy, Jo, Elle, Me (Pic 2). Hong, Robin, Jo (Pic 3). Me, Jo, Uncle Francis (Pic 4). Jo, Me, Jo’s friend (Pic 5). Me, Hong (Pic 6).

Francessca, Gerald, Me, Jo, Hong. Robin took the picture LoL. Come to Robin’s page for more pics http://Robinwong.blogspot.com Do click on this pic to see the full size.